Last year, I lost my ability to be present.
Not in an obvious way and not in a “everything fell apart overnight” way, but in a quiet, slow, heavy way. The kind where you’re physically in a room, but your mind is somewhere else entirely. Where time passes, moments happen, and you realize later that you weren’t really there for them.
I was surviving.
I was coping.
I was getting through days, but I wasn’t truly living inside them.
There were seasons where my nervous system was constantly on edge. My body was tired, my heart was heavy, and my mind was always somewhere in the future. I was always worrying, bracing, preparing, and protecting. I wasn’t enjoying moments as they were happening. I was rushing through them.
And when you live like that long enough, you stop feeling like you.
I lost the small joys.
The slow mornings.
The laughter that comes easily.
The spark that made me feel light again.
I didn’t even realize how far I had drifted until I finally slowed down.
There is something incredibly brave about choosing to be present again.
It means letting your nervous system rest.
It means allowing joy without waiting for the other shoe to drop.
It means trusting that you are safe in this moment, even if the past taught you otherwise.
Being present is how we heal.
It’s how we reconnect with ourselves.
It’s how we start feeling our sparkle again.
This season, I am choosing softness.
I am choosing slower mornings, deeper breaths, longer hugs, and more laughter.
I am choosing to actually feel my life again.
And little by little, I am coming back to myself.
If you’re in a season where you feel disconnected, tired, or emotionally distant, I want you to know you’re not broken. You’re healing. And you deserve to feel light again.
Your sparkle isn’t gone.
It’s just waiting for you to come home to it. ✨
— Amanda